Processing January 6, 2021

Friday, January 8, 2021; 11:07 pm

So, are we awake yet?

There have been and will continue to be many, many words written about the events of January 6, 2021. Rightly so. I have already seen it written that it will be a day remembered in the history books and seared into our national collective memory akin to 9/11 and the Oklahoma City bombing. I have no doubt about that. Similarly, I remember sitting at our kitchen table eating out of a box of Cheese-Its as President Clinton was impeached in ‘98. I was 12 years old and I remember not understanding why my mom looked so grave. I don’t remember any of the coverage, just that image of my mother as his impeachment was announced.

There is no practical need for me to document here what has happened, and why it happened, and how it happened, or what the consequences of that day and the previous five years might be. This is partly because I can’t intelligently answer some of those questions, there are much smarter and knowledgable people than myself who will provide us with those accounts and analyses. But still, there is the emotional need to process through the written word, as well as the deep urge to document for the sake of posterity, to simply bear witness.

There is so much to unpack and it’s hard to know where to start, as well as there really being no eloquent way of putting down what happened. On the one hand, it’s hard to make sense of it, but on the other, no one is surprised that this happened. Participants had been planning it publicly online, and Trump had been encouraging it. Why wouldn’t it happen? This was the logical conclusion to a mad man’s reign. So I guess I’ll just say it, and start at the beginning.

On January 6, 2021, while Congress was in a joint session (meaning, the VP and all of our federal level elected officials under one roof) to formally certify the results of the November 7, 2020 election, a mob of protestors descended on the Capitol and attempted a coup. They forced their way into the Senate chamber to try and halt the proceedings and thus, halt the certification of Biden as the next President, and keep Trump in office. It’s even been said that as this despicable display was unfolding, Trump was delighted, as well as confused as to why those around him were not celebrating. It’s worth it to note that this comes from Senator Ben Sasse as he was interviewed by Hugh Hewitt, both conservatives.

Earlier in the day, Trump had addressed this group of anarchists at a “Save America Rally” by telling them:

“You’ll never take back our country with weakness. You have to show strength, and you have to be strong.”

He spent nearly an hour telling one lie after another, continuing to pour fuel on this fire year fire and rile up his followers by saying things like:

“The media is the biggest problem we have as far as I’m concerned, the biggest single problem.”

“All of us here today do not want to see our election victory stolen by a bold and radical left Democrats which is what they are doing and stolen by the fake news media. This is what they have done and what they are doing. We will never give up. We will never concede. It doesn’t happen. You don’t concede when there’s theft involved. Our country has had enough. We will not take it anymore, and that is what this is all about.”

The mob then headed down Pennsylvania Avenue, just as Trump had instructed them to do, and began scaling walls and breaking down barriers and eventually, breaking glass and doors to force their way in to the the Capitol Building. In some instances, they didn’t have to force their way in because police let them in.

I was at work as this was all unfolding. I had one AirPod in and had the New York Times app open to watch and listen to the Senate proceedings as best as I could while I worked. I watched Mitch McConnell, finally, stand up to Trump. He gave his speech on the floor, where he made a case for certification, but then he couldn’t help himself and began imploring his Republican colleague to not sink to the level of the Democrats by refusing to accept the election results, apparently just like they did in 2016. What? In what universe can you compare saying, truthfully, that Trump did not win the popular vote (he didn’t—but that didn’t make his win illegitimate as per the rules set forth by the Constitution) with what Trump and his enablers have said and done: refused to concede, and then spread lies and misinformation about voter fraud even after 60 lawsuits were brought before the courts and dismissed by Republican and Democrat judges alike, some of whom Trump himself appointed. I then saw Ted Cruz stand up and argue that because millions of Americans believed this fabricated election fraud to be credible (which they only believe because Trump is saying it over and over again), it was his and their collective duty and responsibility to follow up on their concerns. He failed to mention the 60 lawsuits that, one would think, served as the follow up to these constituent’s concerns. Ted Cruz is no dummy, he knew exactly what he was doing. He knows there is no mass election fraud that would’ve changed the election results, so he was careful not to take the President’s approach by making those claims, and thus, sounding insane. No, instead he propped himself up to be a beacon of light for the American people, someone who was so concerned with their concerns, that he was willing to be their martyr in the interest of truth. But the truth really is, he didn’t want to alienate himself from Trump’s base, because he needs their votes to run for the presidency himself in four years. So he knowingly continued to lie to the people that he claimed to have undying respect for. And then, to really put the cherry on top, he (along with SEVEN other senators as well as ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-NINE house members) still declined to vote to certify the election results, even after witnessing what his lies brought forth. These are people that know better. What a fucking disgrace. Well, guess what. Most of us aren’t dummies either, and we won’t forget what Ted Cruz and Co. did on January 6, 2021.

Cruz finally put me out of my misery and rage and sat down. I was silently seething, and the cheeses I was organizing took the brunt of my frustration (I work in food.) I was in the middle of one of my tasks when another senator who was speaking abruptly stopped and I heard something about a recess. It seemed out of nowhere and odd to me, but I just figured it was a scheduled break and took out my AirPod and focused my attention back on my work. The cheeses sighed a collective breath of relief. A little bit later I headed to the staff room to take a break, and when I pulled up the New York Times app, I was confused at what I was seeing. I saw a headline about the VP being “rushed out,” as well as several photos showing the unfolding horror: two insurgents roaming inside the capital building, holding flags, one of which was the confederate flag; Mitt Romney sitting down, looking truly pissed; two men, crouched, one with his arm across the other man’s neck, as they look to be escaping the Senate floor; and the pro-Trump crowd pushing agains barricades as the police tied to hold them back (what’s this about Blue Lives Matter?) I kept saying, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. It genuinely took my brain a minute to process what I was seeing. It was terrifying.

So many journalists were there in the midst of a group of people who have been groomed by the President himself to believe that those in the press are the “enemy of the people.” Do you know who else called the media the enemy of the people? Stalin. And Hitler. In the introduction of the book Enemy of the People by Marvin Kalb, it reads:

“Shortly after assuming office in January 2017, President Donald Trump accused the press of being an “enemy of the people.” Attacks on the media had been a hallmark of Trump’s presidential campaign, but this charge marked a dramatic turning point: language like this veered into dangerous territory. Twentieth-century dictators—notably, Stalin, Hitler, and Mao—had all denounced their critics, especially the press, as “enemies of the people.” Their goal was to delegitimize the work of the press as “fake news” and create confusion in the public mind about what’s real and what isn’t; what can be trusted and what can’t be.”

On the episode of The Daily on January 7, a journalist recounted her experience as these rioters broke in, threatening her body and her safety. Her voice was shaken and it was clear that this was a traumatic, horrible experience for her. As I listened to her, and to the recorded footage from on the ground as it unfolded—the screaming, the breaking glass, the mayhem—I was horrified.

At 3:20 I sent a text to my sister in law. I had to go to the bathroom to try and calm myself down, to try and stop myself from shaking.

I went home. I was useless to my family, absorbed in and repulsed by the coverage. Eventually, Trump released a video on his Twitter account, first massaging his supporters, then continuing to spew more of the same lies, then softly rebuking them, and then finally sympathizing with them again:

“I know your pain, I know you’re hurt. We had an election stolen from us, it was a landslide election, and everyone knows it, especially the other side. But you have to go home now. We have to have peace. We have to have law and order…This was a fraudulent election, but we can’t play into the hands of these people. We have to have peace. So go home, you’re very special…I know how you feel.”

This is quite the departure from his message to the BLM protestors in June 2020, where he said:

“When the looting starts, the shooting starts.”

Shortly after the video, he tweeted, still continuing on in the delusion that led to real life violence and destruction:

“These are the things and events that happen when a sacred landslide election victory is so unceremoniously and viciously stripped away.”

Twitter then temporarily banned his account, as did Facebook and Instagram. As I’m writing this on Friday evening, Twitter permanently banned him a few hours after restoring his account. Earlier today, Facebook announced they would ban him for at least the duration of his term.

Here’s the thing: if I also truly believed that my government was so corrupt, so rotten to the core—then I’d probably be marching and, I would hope, peacefully protesting in the Capitol myself (this is not what happened on January 6.) A corrupt government—or any government, really—deserves accountability from the people it claims to be serving. But imperfect does not equal corrupt to the core. Further, this belief that these people hold is not plausible. It would require that Democrats, election officials, postal workers, judges and courts at every level, poll watchers and workers, as well as every person who dares to speak something contradictory to them, to be in on this grand plan to keep Donald Trump out of office. When asked for evidence of this grand plan, none can be presented, because, of course, everyone is in on it, so those at the top have destroyed the evidence. When presented with actual evidence about the validity of the 2020 election, Trump supporters will say that it is fake news, fabricated again by the people at the top, in the shadows, controlling all the strings. It is insanity. There is no defense or rational argument that can be given to combat this belief based in nothing which can always be explained away by: they’re lying, they’re corrupt, they’re covering it up. But you can’t prove the absence of something that doesn’t exist. It’s like trying to convince someone with tangible evidence that unicorns aren’t real. It’s an un-winnable argument with people who are perhaps bored or disappointed or lonely in their real lives, unable to see that true courage and love look like this: showing up to work on time, helping your kids with their homework, wearing a mask, stopping at stop signs, saying please and thank you, telling the truth. In short, love and meaning stem from being of service to others. But that doesn’t make for a stirring enough profile picture, does it? And so, they look to create excitement (read: chaos) where there does not have to be any. They pretend to be patriots when really, most of them are looking to create sensational content to share with their online followers. They play the part of the victim and scream about individual freedoms while continually ignoring those whose voices have been marginalized and whose bodies have been beaten, stolen, and murdered since the birth of this nation.

What we have here is a crisis of truth, which has resulted in very real consequences that, horrible as they were, could’ve been a lot worse. What are foreign governments thinking right now, after they saw how easily and quickly the Capitol was overrun? What if all the members of Congress and the Vice President (not to mention journalists, aides, and custodial staff) had been gunned down? After Pence declined to indulge the President’s fantasies, releasing a statement saying he would not do so, Trump, and thus MAGA supporters, swiftly turned on him. Trump had tweeted out on Wednesday afternoon, literally as his thugs were storming the Capitol, that:

“Mike Pence didn’t have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our Country and our Constitution, giving States a chance to certify a corrected set of facts, not the fraudulent or inaccurate ones which they were asked to previously certify. USA demands the truth!”

Then, minutes after Trump’s tweet, after messages had been posted to Gab telling those inside the building to hunt Pence down, Trump’s gang started to hunt Pence down, yelling “where is Pence!” This is unspeakably despicable.

I am so angry. I am heartbroken. I am sick to my stomach. Not only at, obviously, Trump, but possibly more at everyone who stood by and condoned and/or made concessions for his words and behavior. That’s just talk. What I really care about is policy! Hopefully those around him will keep him in check. And yet, look at where he has—predictably!—led us. We warned them all, over and over and over again. And they did nothing. They said nothing. They sold their birthright for a pot of shitty soup and proximity to power. And this is the worst of it—they will, and already are, starting to explain and blame it away: It’s not that bad. What about the BLM protests in June? This wasn’t Trump’s fault, he didn’t explicitly tell them to storm the Capitol! It was Antifa.

Senator Romney’s words on the Senate floor after the lunatics were cleared from the building offered me a little bit of peace:

“We gather due to a selfish man’s injured pride, and the outrage of his supporters who he has deliberately misinformed for the past two months and stirred to action this very morning. What happened here was an insurrection, incited by the President of the United States. Those who choose to continue to support his dangerous gambit by objecting to the results of a legitimate democratic election, will forever be seen as complicit in an unprecedented attack on our democracy. Fairly or not, they’ll be remembered for their role in this shameful episode in American history. That will be their legacy… For any who remain insistent on an audit in order to satisfy the many people who believe the election was stolen, I’d offer this perspective: no congressional audit is ever going to convince these voters, particularly when the President continues to say that the election was stolen. The best way we can show respect for the voters who are upset, is by telling them the truth! That’s the burden, that’s the duty of leadership. The truth is that President Elect Biden won the election, President Trump lost. I’ve had that experience myself, it’s no fun!”

The best way we can show respect for the voters who are upset, is by telling them the truth. That line hit home for me. That is love. That is compassion. Incensed as I and many others are right now, that is our calling. It will likely make some people feel patronized, will definitely offend and anger them, but that is no reason not to tell the truth. There will be no unity until truth wins the day and we collectively take an honest, painful look at where we come from and how that influences who we are today. MLK said it best: “True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice.”

There is still so much to process. The police reaction, or lack of action. The confederate flags. The noose. The invocation of faith and Jesus to justify these abhorrent actions. Having grown up in the church, the intersection of Christianity, Trumpism, and white nationalism is one that bewilders me greatly, but in the light of these past few years and with much gratitude to the Black writers and artists who have guided me, it makes total sense.

In theory, it is bewildering because Trump literally represents everything that Christianity says it is against. But, having distanced myself from the evangelical church over the last decade, I can now see more clearly the hypocrisy, the fixation with power/fame/hierarchy, and the fear/dismissal of the tangible world coupled with the obsession of the after life, that so often lives inside the church. From this view, it makes a lot more sense how these three factions co-exist so well together. To say the least, this past decade has been dominated by a sense of feeling unmoored, an identity crisis of sorts. At first I felt guilty for my questions and the wrestling with my faith, now I feel liberated.

I don’t claim to have all the answers. Though I am optimistic and hopeful that Biden will, finally, provide us with some obviously and sorely needed leadership—at the very least we will have an adult in charge—he can’t save us. That starts with us, in our homes, our local communities, and, most of all, our churches. I acknowledge that this conversation at large—just like humanity—is painful, messy, complex, and nuanced. But I do know that this, this is all wrong. I do know that an event turned insurrection that dons a mostly white, Christian crowd which encounters little resistance from police, Trump banners, US and confederate flags, crosses, prayer circles, and a noose—all within the context and backdrop of our particular history—is anything but confusing, coincidental, or nuanced. It—that being racism and white nationalism—is crystal clear and on full display.

This is painful. But don’t look away.

I remember thinking that, after the Access Hollywood tape was released, no way could anyone support this guy after that. And yet, so many did. It was a moment of clarity, of grief, of awakening within myself, of untethering myself from everything that I thought I knew to be true.

I can only hope that January 6 serves as a similar awakening for those who are still, willfully or not, asleep.